It's been quite awhile since I updated, and things have changed, but what's it to you?

Last night I took a nap and woke up around 10:30 pm, and my head felt heavy with memories and experiences I'd never had. Like in two hours of sleep, I'd lived 30 more years. I don't recall any of my dreams, but an image hangs faintly in my mind.

I laid still awhile after I woke up, listening to Billie Holiday and Connie Francis in my bedroom. Soon I was sure that I never existed and everything was an illusion and I could let go without consequence. I wondered about razors. I wondered about nooses. I wondered about black guns and silver bullets.

Then I wondered about love.

Afterwards, I turned on the television and found the ARTS channel, station 21. I sat hypnotized by German operas, French ballets, and excerpts from Italian movies, with rain flooding the streets outside roaring underneath.

I was in wonder especially of one clip... It was an footage of a symphony orchestra in the 1950's, primarily focused on the conductor. After a few moments, I was convinced that he was a magician who at the wave of his wand could overpower everyone and create an overwhelming ocean of music to drown us all.

I wondered if he felt like God, standing there.

I wondered if he felt proud.

I heard an amazing song today. "Saturday Night" by The Misfits.